51 Christian Friendly Words for Vagina

Ever wonder what the religious right use to refer to the forbidden lady parts?

51 Christian Friendly Words for Vagina from ChristWire.org

This is a good laugh. Some of my favorites:

- Moist Camel Hump
- Flap Dragon
- Slurpin' Salmon
- Devil's Fun Slide
- Ovary Hallway
- Magic Crepe
- Neighbor of Anus
- Pink Velveeta Shell
- The Pubic Pub

A Pocket Guide to Vaginal Euphemisms

A while ago Jamie made a post about euphemisms for periods. I found a similar list of euphemisms for vaginas on the Re(vulva)lution Tumblr.

I thought it was interesting how they broke down the different names into categories, showing that a lot of them have similar themes.

One of the more surprising ones I read was "Penis Penitentiary." Seriously? Are vaginas so icky that they're compared to being in prison?

I found most of these gross, but some of them were funny. I may have to start utilizing some of them ("Hairy Manilow"). What do you call your vagina?

Menstrual intercourse

I have this article here. I can't decide if I like it or not. It's a guy writing about having sex during a woman's period. I like it and don't like it at the same time.

Now, I know which side of the fence I fall on on this topic. I do not like having sex during my period. Not only do I feel completely gross (my oil glands go into overtime), I also find that my vagina is much less receptive to any kind of stimulation during that time. However, I think it's great if couple's decide to engage in this act. I can see it as a very bonding kind of act.

The guy writing this article seems to be all for it, and I like that he supports whatever decision a couple decides to make, and even offers alternatives to actual intercourse. I like some of the euphemisms he uses like "closed for maintenance" and "seducing vampires". I like his general attitude toward this whole taboo act.

However, some of the points he makes seem to be towing the line between being awesome, and being a closet misogynist, like this sentence here about blow-jobs "The fact that she completes this act of lovemaking and accepts a part of her man into her body makes her a woman worth keeping (of course, not if you're paying her by the hour)." or this gem "or are engaging in casual sex with the bucktoothed girl that helps you get rid of a load or two every now and again"

Even with these little jabs at womanhood though, I feel like he has a pretty good attitude toward the taboo menstrual intercourse. Most people aren't even willing to talk about it, much less give you tips (I like the diaphragm tip, anybody know if you can have sex with a Divacup in?) on how to enjoy it, even if you think it's a little gross.

So keep on keeping on, Mr. Strovney, but watch how you speak about women a little more carefully.

What do we do with the c-word?

I can't say that I'm really a huge fan of reclaiming words. For me personally, there are always three that come right to mind: bitch, slut, and cunt. (Whore's also a close fourth.) My level of comfort with each word seems kind of arbitrary and based more on gut reaction to the overall aural aesthetic of the word than its semantics and history. "Bitch" usually makes me bristle, even when coming from the friendliest of allies in (at least what they feel is) a genuine attempt at reclamation. "Slut" is okay in very specific circumstances, and even then, only with people who have a very clear, intentional understanding of how the word can be interpreted in feminist circles (for example, in regard to the concept of slut-shaming).

So right off the bat, for better or worse, you can see I have some pretty complicated pre-requisites for certain words. Reclaiming them sounds like a lot of unnecessary work to me personally, since my feelings are so negative to begin with.

But "cunt" is a whole other ball game to me. I like it. I'd never heard of the word except for when hearing that it was the worst insult ever, to be used even more rarely than the [formerly] taboo eff-dash-dash-dash word. (Which, incidentally, is a word that was used much less frequently at the time, but that's a different story.) Cunt was the word you should simply never say. Uh, okay, I guess. There was no explanation why.

The next time I ever heard of it was in porn, then in the Vagina Monologues. When I saw/read/heard it in porn, it was pretty much another synonym for vagina--I never felt like there was any extraneous negative connotation to it (except, arguably, the context of pornography itself, but that's again a different story). And then in the Vagina Monologues, it was back to Reclaiming Cunt, but I still didn't understand who or what exactly we were supposed to be reclaiming it from.

Perhaps it's worth noting here that I've only been called a cunt one time. In a way, it was a little like being insulted with the worst word in a foreign language. I had to stop and interpret, like: "Hmm, okay, he said this because he wanted to say the worst thing ever. I should probably react accordingly." It didn't switch on any anger inside of me the way being called a bitch does.

All that said, I like the word. I like how it sounds. In my opinion, it sounds much better than other words out there for a person's vagina. (Snatch? Ughhhhhh...)

At the same time, I'm well-aware that, even if it is for reasons I don't completely understand, it's a loaded term. It can bring out a lot of negative feelings (not unlike bitch or slut or whore) I think that's important to keep in mind. I like what Sara Gwin is quoted as saying in this essay:

"Women have every right to reclaim the word for themselves or for a particular group. However, there has to be the acknowledgement that this word is still incredibly insulting to many and we have to respect that"

Recently, I've been doing some thinking about the ways I take control in a conversation. I'm a fairly shy person--quite often I've felt like I'm being talked over or blown off--and so I think one of the ways I sometimes gain power or control in a conversation is by talking about topics that tend to make others uncomfortable, and thus shutting them up to give me some space to talk. This would include subjects like menstruation, sexual assault, most things related to women's sexualities, or jokes considered over-the-line gross--things that deliberately make others uncomfortable. I hadn't been aware of this behavior as a tool for conversation domination until the past few months, and I think the catalyst for that realization came from when other people did it to me.

All this came to mind when I read a blog post from one of my favorite zinesters, venting about complaints generated by the jewelry she makes bearing the word cunt. I agree with Amber on most things, and her zines are by far some of my favorites (do yourself a favor and read as much Culture Slut as you can), but I was kind of put off by the way she chose to respond to those who were offended, opening with: "The title of this listing is 'Reclaim The Words That People Use To Put You Down'. I guess it went over your head." Eek. It's made me think more critically about what it means to actually reclaim a word, and if it's even possible on a large scale.

As I mentioned before, cunt is a loaded term, and not everyone's interested in turning around into a positive. (It could perhaps even be argued that most people are uninterested in reclamation? I'm not sure.) So what does that mean when you're wearing cunt jewelry or preaching about pussy power? I really feel like it puts you in a tight spot (ha), because you're very much in the danger zone of making people too uncomfortable and shutting them down to any type of message you might have, controversial or otherwise. But, like Amber also says, if this is a word that's being used to put you down, there's something to be said about being bold enough to turn it around. I guess my question is, how do you balance boldness with tastefulness, that is, how do we achieve reclamation without alienation?

Bad ideas

Today I was thinking about the title "Period Piece" and how I've never really been completely in love with it. I like "Menstruator Extraordinaire" a lot better.

I was considering changing this from P.P. to M.E., but thought that was a bad idea because it's a pain to spell out M.E. (hence the abbreviations).

Then I thought about ways that I could maybe shorten it, and the first thing that came to mind was Mens. Ex.
Mensex.
Men Sex.

That's way hilariously misleading. So bad idea. Any better names?

Mudslide in Crotch Canyon!!

While trying to come up with a catchy title for my workshop in a couple weeks, I've come across this list of euphemisms for menstruation. My favorites:

• Tomato boat has come in
• A visit from Cap'n Bloodsnatch
• The kitty has a nosebleed
• Dishonorable discharge from the uterine navy
• Rebooting the ovarian operating system